Out Of The Bat Cave

who is the REAL batman?!? it's hard to tell which of us is more ferocious since andrew and i are both eating strawberries & whipped cream out of plastic teletubby bowls on a bright red table that comes about halfway up my shins. you can't even see the chair i'm sitting in ... either because it's so tiny or because of my hulking muscles -- your guess.

unfortunately, this batman (the one on the right) is flying the coop and heading back to arizona the middle of this month. i've procured a car, an awesome roommate, and an apartment in tempe, and have big ambitions to join the grocery workers' union. who knew there was such a thing? look out food dog. i'm confident andrew will keep up the cave while i'm gone though, as he is in a perpetual state of muscle-flexing.

in preparation for my departure, i've spent the better part of my free time sorting through things, trying to downsize my life into a single carload. it's a good exercise for me since i have a lot of unnecessary things (a result of the therapeutic value of the retail environment). but really, how many shades of hot pink nail polish does one girl need? FYI -- i made a lot of tough decisions, but managed to decimate my collection to about 10 pinks and 3 reds.

also amazing is the number of articles of clothing i have held onto in case i need them for a halloween costume. like a yellow tutu. says a little bit about my fashion sense. although my sister will attest to my improvement since high school, when a typical outfit was head-to-toe thrift store polyester plaid. every day could have been halloween back then :) equally amusing are the things i refuse to part with -- my skull barrettes, homestar runner action figures, fake eyelashes & eyelash glue, and spongebobopoly. you never know when these things will come in handy as a young professional in a new city.

and in the event of cold feet (yeah right), i am reminded of a song i often listen to in the bubble bath:

my brain's repeating

if you've got an impulse let it out

but they never make it past my mouth

... this is the sound of settling

{death cab for cutie}

KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII -- YA !!

that is the sound of ten+ 4-year-olds at karate class -- the highlight of my week. i have never seen so many high-fives in my life, and i've been trying to revive the high-five (along with the word SIKE) for years.

i love this kid -- he has the best imagination. after dinner, andrew told me to get on the horse because i was a cowboy, and being the rational adult that i am, i had to ask where exactly was this horse he spoke of. then all of the sudden, there i was on a horse! AKA: sitting on the floor, handcuffed to andrew under a sleeping bag and waving a tennis racket above my head like a lasso. side note: all fun until someone gets hit in the face (me). alas, a small price to pay for the joy of being aunt kelley.

AND he knows all of the teenage mutant ninja turtles by name -- and raphael, the angry badass with the big attitude problem is his favorite, just like me. andrew probably likes him because he wears red, but this is irrelevant. AND he humors me by making great hand-noise metal signs, complete with tongue-sticking-out goodness. ... then he goes back to being spiderman and shoots webs at me -- i guess i got the apartment! so its still a good day.

i am fascinated by children. they are so SMALL, but have such a good grasp on life -- easily amused, cry when they're hungry, tired, or hurt, and get over the rest. and every movement is an accomplishment. just tickle a baby and see if you don't have a really great day afterward. although i could probably change a diaper (heidi's never made me try :), i don't know what i would do if a kid sneezed on me. or i had to use one of those giant nose bulb things -- a "nasal aspirator." it's like sucking boogers up a straw. gross gross gross. aunt kelley does not do snot. this is a huge barrier to having kids of my own -- my baby would get a cold, i'd be too grossed out to clear his nose, and he'd talk like pee-wee herman for the rest of his life. no thanks.

p.s. if it's been more than 5 years since you last read dr. suess' fox in sox, i strongly encourage you to pick up a copy and read it outloud. prior to andrew's bedtime story, i felt i had a good grasp on speaking english and enunciating properly. i am no longer so sure .... especially once i got through the tweetle beetle bottle puddle paddle battle muddle.

Rev Your Engines

when i was in college, i loved to do nothing. doing nothing is not as empty and pointless as it seems, and encompasses activities like watching law & order reruns or the princess bride for the 427th time on TNT, going to a baseball game only as an excuse to get outside and enjoy the weather, organizing your underwear drawer, painting your toenails, and reading the latest news on fark. activities that allow your brain to function at just a step above idle. when i was in law school, the moments of nothing-doing were few and far between. like watching some incredible knockout in mixed martial arts fighting on youtube with rob in the law review office following our resolution of some crisis. or playing pirates' dice with mandy and christopher after mucking our way through 3d and 4th grade social studies homework.


in contrast, every single person i met in arizona was running at a low RPM. other travelers, retirees, and vacationers, of course. but also intelligent, educated people who passed up or postponed lucrative careers to do something they enjoy or to maximize their nothing-doing time. people with real jobs who constantly and casually remarked "i can't believe i'm paid to do this." even the people i met at breakfast before taking the bar, although alert and prepared, were not stressed or frantic or even anxious. this is what i expected, and actually, what i was hoping for, when i chose to head out west.


but for weeks i have wondered -- do i have it in me to relax? while other people take time off after undergrad to figure out what they want to do with their life by backpacking through europe or working a pointless job to finance their experimental drug use, i went to law school. actually, i didn't know what to do with my life so i kicked ass in law school, worked 3 jobs, managed the law review, and ran competitively, all without missing a clemson football game. i know i can go go go at 100 mph (at least until futurama comes on), but could i sustain life as a sunday driver? it was perfect while i was on vacation to do exactly what i wanted at all times, but the day i returned, i went right back to waking up at 6AM for a morning run. the question lingers now that i truly have time to do a lot of nothing. my mom asks what i did today. well mom, today i drove to petsmart to exchange the 19 unfortunate goldfish that died mysteriously in the fountain out back (but were artfully preserved in the freezer) and attempted to nurse the 5 feeble survivors back to health.


....can i be content with this answer?

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig

well, an uneventful plane-ride-across-the-country later, i am home again. i love arizona and am racking my brain for a way to get back there as soon as possible. no flashes of inspiration yet. in the meantime, i am partaking in 2 of my least favorite activities of all time -- unpacking and writing cover letters. my mom asked me why the pile of stuff i dropped in the living room had gotten bigger instead of smaller while i was unpacking. i told her it was like a blackhole -- it has to expand before it implodes on itself. i'm not sure if that's true, but i think i saw it in star wars once.

BUT it's not all bad being home -- mom even made sure the house was stocked with our 4 basic food groups: milk, cheese, ice cream & pizza. you can compare this with my dad's 4 food groups: meat, salt, grease & beer. he recently reminded me that neither of us look like we eat the way we do, which is a blessing for everyone involved. (but see karrie's 4 food groups: yogurt, kashi, flax butter & carrots. we don't look like we eat like her either...) im back on a running schedule. (thank you prof. abate for your unrelenting expectations.) i only ran once the entire time i was gone -- and that was to walgreen's because i needed some eyeliner. and i've decided to publish my article on legal responses to sea level rise in the environs environmental law & policy journal at UC-davis -- a 1st tier law school!

i had also forgotten how nice it is to wear a miniskirt and smell like flowers, so i'm making up for lost time while i contemplate another least favorite task -- figuring out what to do next. although, post-vacation, i am less convinced of the prudence of doing so.

Spiritual Healing

my last couple days in arizona were pretty low-key, mostly because i no longer had full function of my legs. i attempted a hike in sedona, but it started sprinkling and i was having no more wet underwear adventures. i took a jeep tour instead, and the sun came out. the area has an amazing backdrop of giant red rock formations. it almost looks like a painted set. i can't imagine living in sedona with that in my backyard.

i took the mystical vortex tour and learned all about how the electromagnetic field created by the spinning of the earth's core emanates from the surface more strongly at fault lines. when these fault lines cross, a vortex, or energy center, is created. apparently these exist all over the world -- machu picchu is one and so is new york city -- people just don't notice because they are generally disconnected from the earth these days because they don't go outside, and when they do, there is a layer of concrete separating them from the ground. however, the local indians thought the vortexes in sedona were sacred (without detailing it in terms of electromagnetism) and traveled days just to sit "in" it & pray. this is cathedral rock, the second-most photographed rock formation in arizona (after the grand canyon). the creek is a fault line, and therefore a vortex.

the guide also taught us how to transfer our negative energy to a tree by placing our right hand on it and concentrating on expelling negative thoughts. don't worry, he said it didn't hurt the tree. you can also suck good energy from the tree by placing your left hand on it and concentrating. i think i will try this at home on my own trees to see what happens -- it can't hurt.

the tour itself was very interesting and informative. there were two other people besides the guide and me. the guy was a high school biology teacher who asked a lot of questions about the science behind the vortex, which i found disappointing because i understood it, and i am not teaching science for a living. the girl on the other hand, announced as soon as we reached the vortex that it was "really heavy on the solar plexus." what does that mean??!?!?!?!?

what exactly (allegedly) happens at the vortex is hard to say and i tried to be open, but it was difficult to evaluate the situation objectively for several reasons. 1. the area is SO beautiful and peaceful that it's hard not to feel better when you're out there in the middle of it than you did 15 minutes ago being bounced all to hell in a 4WD vehicle. 2. a watched pot never boils. i was watching myself, other people were watching me, and the whole time i was thinking "do i feel different? how about now? how about now?" here is a picture of me sitting on the vortex trying to soak up the magic through my butt.

i was rewarded for my tolerance of this hippie nonsense with a beautiful, sunny, blue sky the next day, so i went to the sunset crater, which was a lot like being on the big island of hawaii, except in the middle of arizona. i also visited some indian ruins at wupatki national park. they were pretty red against the blue sky and well-made, often built into the side of a hill or using gigantic rocks for foundations. i discovered that they were made of limestone when i climbed into a secret room to pee and the floor started fizzing. whoops.

i stopped by montezuma's castle national monument (although this is a misnomer because montezuma never made it this far north) on my way to phoenix for my flight home. it is really amazing how high up the structure is -- the indians got in and out using wooden ladders -- and how enduring. this photo has some people in it that can be used for scale. the "castle" has 20 rooms and was built over a thousand years ago.

mark, one of my saviors from humphrey's peak, graciously offered to show me around while i passed the time until my 11PM flight. i didn't see much of phoenix -- only a lot of blue moon and the three killer whales inhabiting his pool out back, which was perfectly fine with me. and i was lucky to hang out with some really smart, really funny, really interesting people before i returned to my normal life in cuckoo, VA. NOTE: please let the official record show that i kicked everyone's ass at balderdash -- though the competition was steep. seven years of higher education occasionally has practical application. but has not improved my handwriting.

Dry Heat My Ass

after my day of rest in flagstaff, where over 100 trains grumble by every 24 hours, i decided to climb to the highest point in arizona -- humphrey's peak at 12,637 feet. i got up early (still haven't adjusted to pacific time even after 2 weeks), put on shorts and a t-shirt, and drove up to the trailhead. i consider myself a pretty responsible person. when i parked at 7:30, it was 55 degrees and overcast, but this is arizona! it gets warm here quick. so i put on my hiking shoes and heavy-duty sunscreen, plus hat and sunglasses. i carried over a gallon of water in my pack, along with some snacks since the trail is 4.8 miles uphill the whole way. look at me, so responsible. and i set off.

the mountain was very green, lots of trees and flowers blooming and rocks to jump around on. about an hour in, it started to sprinkle. the rain was cold, but i was going only uphill so i was keeping warm. plus i love to run in the rain, so this wasn't much different. so i kept going. it kept raining. i kept going.

eventually, i came upon some valley boys -- mark, brandan & adam -- resting on the trail and learned some interesting tidbits of information. such as that it was only 40 degrees outside. (mark had a thermometer attached to his belt haha.) and that i gets 3.5 degrees colder for every 1000-foot increase in elevation. of course, this did not deter me from continuing onward, but i finally accepted brandon's extra poncho. i hiked behind them up the saddle, into a cloud (cool!), still raining.

then it began to hail. i'm not kidding. august 6th in arizona, i'm 3.8 miles up a mountainside, wearing shorts and a poncho AND SUNSCREEN and i am being pelted with hail.

i definitely would not have gone any further in the HAIL, but mark offered me the wool sweater in his pack, and no longer travelling alone, we (and another dude, aaron) set off for the last mile to the top through federally-protected tundra. here's a picture of what we hiked into. besides being rainy and cold and cloudy and entirely uphill, it was uneventful, but i sat on the top of the highest point in arizona!

after quietly enjoying my triumph over humphreys peak -- there weren't any spectacular views to take in, but being in a cloud was crazy -- we set back down. it began to rain again. then there was a HUGE clap of thunder, and aaron took off down the mountainside without looking back, never to be seen again, and obviously very concerned about our collective safety. as if this was really going to make a difference.

none of us were struck by lightning (i guess being inside the cloud offers its own protection) but the way down was completely miserable -- and took almost as long as going up! even with brandon setting the pace at 215 miles per hour. when we finally made it to the bottom almost 8 hours later, i pulled jeans on over my wobbly, mud-caked legs and met the boys at the local brewery, where i bought them a beer for looking out for me.

praise the lord for nice boys taking pity on stupid girls! lesson learned: not all of arizona is hot OR dry.

Giddy Up Suicide

yesterday i spent 7 hours sitting on the back of a mule. my guide, who introduced himself as "poncho" thought it would be funny to tell me that my mule was named suicide, not expecting my response of "awesome, i was hoping my mule would have a badass name." turns out her name is shannon, and she is a pretty good mule. (however, at no point did i use the words "giddy up" or attempt to make her travel at a faster pace.)

about 1/2 an hour down, i decided that i'd had enough of mules and if poncho would just let me off to pee (which would've been interesting on the side of a trail about 2 feet wide with cliff on both sides) i didn't care if i ever saw another mule again. after another hour, we had our first stop to pee, refill our canteens, and get hosed down to combat the heat. there are six distinct climate zones within the grand canyon and the temperature at the bottom is sometimes 20-30 degrees warmer than at the top. the only thing better than riding a mule is doing it with wet underwear. but after this stop, the trip was more comfortable so i stopped being cranky.

we dismounted for lunch at plataeu point, where you can see the colorado river. we were about 1/2 way down, and even there its hard to believe that the river is over a mile across in some parts. the views were incredible.

the lady in front of me in the mule train, paula, made it clear at the beginning of the ride that she had voted to spend the family vacation in mexico, and was only on this mule ride to humor her husband who apparently was fulfilling a lifelong dream on our trip. she was hilarious. but she was really nervous about plodding down the tiny trail on a clumsy mule. it was perfect for taking in the scenery though -- i didnt have to look where i was going, and i was confident that shannon didn't want to die. although she did walk VERY close to the edge sometimes and made extremely wide turns. here's a picture of shannon and goldie gazing nonchalantly at the trail we just went up.

another joy of riding behind paula was that her mule is the gassy-est mule EVER. i, of course, handled this very maturely by giggling hysterically everytime goldie ripped one. which was like every five minutes. goldie obviously had a very high fiber diet. poncho told paula she was on the cadillac escalade of all mules ahahaha.

on the way back up, we had to stop twice while helicopters came in to rescue people. poncho informed us that the first person died (heart attack) because they carried him out in a basket attached to the helicopter, and the second person did not (fell from rim) because they put him into the helicopter to "work on him" on the way to the hospital. i am glad to hear that if you are foolish enough to need a helicopter to retrieve you -- and the majority of people are stupid rather than unlucky -- the park service will send you a $4000 bill.

although it was touch-and-go for a while, i passed the mule-riding test! i'm sure my mom will be proud to frame this and put it next to all my dean's scholar certificates and law degree.

getting up at 5AM even had its perks -- i saw about 30 elk on my way to the park, just hanging out on the side of the road. they are HUMONGOUS. not the run-of-the-mill louisa county white-tailed deer i'm used to.

last night i had key lime pie for dinner, with a glass of milk and took a walking tour of williams to see all the old buildings and whorehouses. today is a day of rest. i have no idea what's on my itinerary and i don't care. probably i will have a piece of pie for breakfast at the pine country restaurant, and eventually mosey my way over to flagstaff for the rest of my trip.

p.s. good news from the real world: i've had 2 offers to publish my article on responding to sea level rise! woo hoo.

Humongous Things

today i walked about 8 miles along the south rim of the grand canyon. praise the lord there was a shuttle bus to bring me back -- i am exhausted. it is HUMONGOUS. i took tons of pictures, none of which do it justice, so all of you will just have to make the trip to see it yourself! when i stopped to have lunch, a squirrel climbed INTO my pack. i guess he could smell the apple in there from like 100 miles away and was just waiting for me to sit down. of course, all the fools nearby who had never seen a squirrel before thought it was so cute, but i shooed it away and beat a quick retreat -- i am not going to let a squirrel attack ruin my vacation! you may be skeptical, but the guide on the shuttle informed us that squirrel bites are the #1 injury in the canyon, with 20-30 idiots getting bitten each day. i have to be up early early for the mule ride tomorrow (i saw some going down into the canyon and they looked verrrrry tiny!), but hope to take a peek at the book i picked up in the park: over the edge: death in the grand canyon, which contains "gripping accounts of all known fatal mishaps in the most famous of the world's 7 natural wonders." according to the back cover, 600 people have died in the canyon since 1869 and ALL of them are in this book.

i am staying at the historic grand canyon hotel in williams, AZ -- the oldest hotel in arizona. there is a sign outside that says "rooms $3.50 & up." it is fabulous here. i love this town. i love it so much i've decided to stay an extra day. even though the town revolves around tourism and could easily become a ridiculous & intolerable tourist trap, williams has managed to retain its charm. it's on route 66, which old people seem to think is a big deal. if that means it is lined with shops like "the turquoise teepee" and restaurants like the "pine country restaurant" then i am cool with route 66. the pine country restaurant is 1/2 a block from my hotel and has about 30 different types of pies and cake each day (see left). i havent had ice cream for breakfast yet karrie, but i did have a HUMONGOUS piece of carrot cake for dinner tonight. and last night i had the chocolate banana cream pie. :) this is totally justifiable. 1. im on vacation. 2. i drank a LOT of milk with it, so i got a lot of good nutrients out of the meal.

on my way out of the white mountains yesterday, i stopped at tonto natural bridge state park to see the largest travertine bridge in the world. it is HUMONGOUS. it's hard to tell just how humongous it is in the pictures without any scale ... but very impressive, with traditional limestone formations on the inside and some really neat moss that grew like mushrooms. here is me under the bridge. i went on another great hike through the park -- lots of jumping rock-to-rock and climbing on a not-very-well-marked trail next to the creek with lots of trees and shade.

i also drove about 50 miles out of my way to stand on the corner in winslow, AZ. cute town, but not much going on.

on a final note, arizona is the only state i've ever driven in that has reasonable speed limits. a flat straight road in the middle of nowhere -- 75 mph. a hairpin mountainous road -- 35 mph. everytime i pass a speed limit sign i look down to happily realize i am traveling lawfully!

stay tuned for the possibility of more HUGE things tomorrow ... like the huge pain in my ass from sitting on a donkey for 7 hours.

Petrified Schmetrified

admittedly, the logs in the petrified forest have been through a lot in the last 250 million years -- growing, dying, washing downstream, being buried in miles of sediment, uplift, erosion -- and in theory the process of changing wood into rocks is very interesting; however, other than the size & extent of it, in real life, petrified wood is only interesting for about 7 minutes. (in contrast, my fascination with cactuses has endured for over a week.) i wasn't even finished with the 1/2 mile loop at the visitor's center before i decided that i was pretty much done with petrified wood. in fact, i probably would have been completely OK with skipping the entire park, and spending a few extra hours in jim gray's petrified wood shop right outside the gates, examining the extensive fossil collection and the beautiful $10K petrified wood tables. (no mom, i'm not bringing one home :( the whole park is just big piles of brown rocks with big piles of brown wood every once in a while.

that being said, the day was not a complete waste. i enjoyed the authentic indian art here at the petrified wood RV park. seriously ... why bother to recreate a teepee if you're going to put a dinosaur on the side? indians and dinosaurs did not co-exist. nor did indians attempt such lifelike drawings, complete with bloody fangs.

i enjoyed an ice cream cone while walking along long log trail (hee hee i'm so mature). dairy & raw cookie dough are perfect fuel for a day in the desert. side note: stay tuned for my forthcoming book "the only thing between you and your fastest run are banana splits and chocolate chip cookies" with foreword by esteemed environmental law professor randy abate.

the weather here in navajo county is absolutely gorgeous -- warm and sunny most of the day, some fun thundershowers, than 60s at night. which means i am freezing. the landscape is totally different here -- no more cactuses! there are real trees and shirley took me to the mogollon (pronounced mug-ee-yon) rim, where you can see like 8 different mountain ranges lined up, one behind the other. it was a little rainy, so i hope to stop by there on my way to williams tomorrow for better views. i also saw a real elk today. which is good because i have been dutifully obeying the "watch for animals: next 78 miles" signs all the way up from tucson ... without knowing what animals exactly i was looking for. i stopped at the oldest rest area on earth in the salt river canyon to discover the joy of a composting toilet, which is like peeing into a bottomless pit with a fierce updraft. i also passed my favorite sign yet: state prison: do not pick up hitchikers.

also, shirley made me a fantastic meatloaf sandwich for lunch :) and took me to dinner where the waiter hit on me under pretense of discussing ground versus shredded beef. shirley & richard are the only people i know in this whole state, and we decided that i last saw them around 1995! hopefully i have improved some since the age of 12. they have a great clock that tells you what day it is -- a necessity for both retirement and vacation. the whole place is fabulously and appropriately decorated with cowboys and bears and mooses and beautiful heavy wood furniture, and i made good friends with this little buffalo. i pet him everytime i walk past.