in contrast, every single person i met in arizona was running at a low RPM. other travelers, retirees, and vacationers, of course. but also intelligent, educated people who passed up or postponed lucrative careers to do something they enjoy or to maximize their nothing-doing time. people with real jobs who constantly and casually remarked "i can't believe i'm paid to do this." even the people i met at breakfast before taking the bar, although alert and prepared, were not stressed or frantic or even anxious. this is what i expected, and actually, what i was hoping for, when i chose to head out west.
but for weeks i have wondered -- do i have it in me to relax? while other people take time off after undergrad to figure out what they want to do with their life by backpacking through europe or working a pointless job to finance their experimental drug use, i went to law school. actually, i didn't know what to do with my life so i kicked ass in law school, worked 3 jobs, managed the law review, and ran competitively, all without missing a clemson football game. i know i can go go go at 100 mph (at least until futurama comes on), but could i sustain life as a sunday driver? it was perfect while i was on vacation to do exactly what i wanted at all times, but the day i returned, i went right back to waking up at 6AM for a morning run. the question lingers now that i truly have time to do a lot of nothing. my mom asks what i did today. well mom, today i drove to petsmart to exchange the 19 unfortunate goldfish that died mysteriously in the fountain out back (but were artfully preserved in the freezer) and attempted to nurse the 5 feeble survivors back to health.
....can i be content with this answer?
3 comments:
you are the best!
i am not sure you have the "do nothing" gene in you...and learning how to do that can be hard...but as you know, you can master anything you set your mind to.
I, on the other hand, continually ponder the possibility of mind-revving opportunities in my future. Do they exsist? My brain cells could really use a new challenge...
Although, if I had more free time, I would really enjoy some nothing-doing together. Our collaborative mindlessness is one of my favorite states!
-Heidi
KJ, I think worrying about whether you can achieve a semi-prolonged relaxed state means it isn't yet time. :)
Believe me, the relaxation attitude will hit you. Don't sell your energy short while it is available.
If you want the luxury to "drop out" like some of the people you described in Arizona (or law professors who are no longer corporate lawyers), you have to have the means to do it, and that takes thinking/planning/saving.
The people you met may have made it seem simple, but my guess is there was an energetic work period of 5-10 years (or perhaps floundering) before they reached their nirvana.
I certainly wouldn't feel guilty about, or second guess yourself on, your "drive." The urge to relax will come at the right time. I'd say for now, do what feels most natural, with your eye on that nirvana so you'll have the practical ability to follow it when it calls.
That's one long fortune cookie! :)
P.S. "Momma," I hope I'm not contradicting. LOL
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