Power Up!

a little mushroom is going to drop out of the ceiling any minute and when i jump on it, i'm going to grow to 2x my normal size plus a mustache. all i need now is to stumble across a pretty desert orange flower so i can start spitting fireballs at all the obstacles in my path...

i think i experienced a time warp this morning. i have a big custody hearing at 9AM in flagstaff so i am already paranoid about getting enough sleep and simultaneously waking up early enough so that i can ingest enough coffee to be on my A+++ game and obliterate opposing counsel (who honestly and unfortunately really is the problem here, not the opposing party). so my alarm went off at 5:01 AM, as it does every day, and i did my customary one eleven-minute-snooze for days that i actually need to get something done. on the second try some awful hip hop song was coming at me and i actually appreciated that i had a reason to get up and stop the madness. side note: what is music coming to these days? one day i woke up to a song on the radio about skin tight jeans and wet dreams and literally got nauseous in my own bed. i made sure to kick aaron on the way out so he could hear me belt out some expletives about how "i'd rather be chained to a pole in my county stripes busting rocks with a sledgehammer than listen to this f*ing bullsh*t in the morning."

anyway, i got out of bed and started putting myself together again, peeking in at P on the baby monitor to make sure he is sleeping soundly. i really need him to sleep in today so i can get out of the house on time -- it is hard to say good-bye in the mornings when he's all bleary-eyed in his monkey pirate footie pjs. i sit down at my computer to type a few notes about my case and see on the computer that it is 4:58 AM. wait, i did everything except blow dry my hair AND already did some work all in minus-14 minutes? did i slide into a green pipe or blow a magic whistle sometime in the last hour?

although showering is usually the most productive five minutes of my work day, the mornings are often otherwise wasted until the coffee starts pouring in. i check my phone, my watch, the clock over the microwave. they all say less than 5 AM. i check my alarm. it's set for 5:01 AM. did i dream that my alarm went off? and dream that i pushed the snooze button? and dream that it went off again, playing the worst song my mind could conjur? unlikely. and if that were the case, it should go off any minute at the new 5:01 AM. then i see the time on my alarm clock says 6:08 AM. okay, that solves one mystery, but then i start panicking about what is the real time and who can i trust to give me the right answer!?

after another minute, i realize that the answer is NOT on the only clock in the house that i manually set 10 years ago, and more likely lies with the various other electronic devices that receive time signals from outerspace. i must've accidentally pushed the daylight savings button sometime and be operating on mountain daylight time, instead of mountain standard time. and got up at 4:12 AM without a complaint...

this is not the first time i've wondered if i operate in a parallel universe -- some segment of space and time where things seem to be perfectly rational and governed by laws of science and logic and reason. because in some other world i am surrounded by petty self-important nonsensical buffoons. back to reality ... at least i've got an extra hour to pick up an imported-french-chocolate mocha (available in cottonwood of all places) and leisurely wind my way up the canyon to flag.

in other news, aaron gave P an ice cube last night -- what fun. P thinks that if he just squeezes it tighter, he'll be able to get a good handle on it. false. he is easily assuaged though by splashing around in the growing puddle of water on his tray. silly baby.