Menace To Society

so yesterday when i mentioned to huy that i had a date, he said something along the lines of THANK GOD. followed with:

any guy willing to take you out is a winner in my book. he's like a wingman to all of society. taking you off the market so the rest of us can get the good ones. mighty mighty wingman. taking one for the team so your buddy can live the dream.

WOW. the whole male race needs a sacrificial wingman to protect themselves from me. in that case...

dear men:
i require a tall, brown-eyed boy with several advanced degrees, passion for an obscure hobby, and an amazing sense of humor.
someone who thinks it's hott that i have an immense vocabulary, can't stifle a laugh, care more about college football than fashion, and sometimes forego a shower and just jump in the pool to disinfect myself instead.
deliver this to me, and the rest of you are off the hook.
<3 evil overlord kelley

despite all of my apparently obvious flaws, i am a damn good receptionist. it's probably the most hilarious job i've ever had... kelley in heels and mascara next to the switchboard repeating "good morning, PMCS, how may i direct your call?" over and over again. the people who call are amazingly ignorant. i have had to explain to several irate callers that although the sun may be high in the sky on the east coast, this is pacific time. don't be upset that someone isn't waiting at their desk for your call before 7AM. and when the boss' wife -- who apparently is quite a character -- called yesterday, i had to ask her to repeat herself after jerking the phone away from my ear in an attempt to avoid severe hearing loss from her 150+ decibel screech. when i asked her to hold please i heard her say "who the hell do they have answering the phones over there?" let's face it -- customer service (aka: taking crap from people) is not my forté. so its funny to pretend.

inbetween calls -- because the phone rings non-stop for about 5 minutes of every hour and then goes dead -- i troll the internet. so far, i have caught up on all my college football news (FYI -- clemson's QB cullen harper is 1 of only 6 of the top 100 nationally-ranked QBs that has not yet thrown an interception. i love clemson, but am smart enough not to get my hopes up that we'll win the poll), attempted to research potential 2008 presidential candidates (still hopelessly deadlocked, but confusion is better than apathy), and immersed myself in a century's worth of obscure urban legends & conspiracy theories (for example, in 1999, diazien hossencofft used tales of reptilian overlords, youth serums, a cure for cancer, cat people, and goverment-engineered superkids to persuade his girlfriends to give him money. then he talked his main girlfriend into murdering and eating his ex-wife. not surprisingly, diazien has a big curly mullet). i actually have to read PMCS off of the phone every time it rings because i forget where i am.