Ode To Karrot

i have always felt really terrible for only children. although i can't say (with a straight face anyway) that i have always gotten along with my sisters, they have always been around. and usually, conveniently, when i need them. to entertain me. to offer advice. to get me a glass of water when i am, conveniently, not the closest one to the fridge. and to remind me that yes, i am as badass in real life as i am in my head.

my baby sister turned 21 today !! usually an event like this makes me feel old, but in this case, i have managed to remove myself from the center of the universe for a brief moment, and am excited for her to grow up. in honor of these 2 momentous occurrences, i will memorialize karrie on the internet with a list of some of the many reasons she is awesome.

#1. karrie is orange and she doesn't even care. i'm not even kidding. every time i saw her this summer, i suspected she had overdosed on the self-tanner. she had a lot of color and i knew it wasn't because she spent so much time outside OR from the fluorescent lights at the gym. then my mom told me a story about how when kim was a baby she ate so many sweet potatoes that her hands and feet turned orange. EUREKA !!! it wasn't self-tanner, it was CARROTS. karrie eats about 5 lbs. of carrots a week. and she dips them in her all-natural sugar-less peanut butter with added flax. (this stuff, i will not touch with a 10-foot pole.) along with a vitamin, a few cantoloupes and some sweet potatoes, karrie is a walking beta carotene MACHINE. and it ain't easy being orange.

#2. karrie makes out with her big, goofy dog. gross, but ballsy. i've seen layla eat other dog's poo more often than her own dogfood.

#3. karrie has a 'tude. a big, fat if-you-can't-handle-me- you-can-kiss-my-ass- and-don't-let-the-door- hit-your-fluffy-dog-on- the-way-out attitude.

karrie on men:

i can't stand people who don't stand up for themselves. "whatever you want..." have a damn opinion. i can do whatever i want alone, thank you.

#4. karrie has conviction. it can't be easy for anyone to eat carrots and flax butter when someone else is sitting a mere 3 feet away eating a stack of pumpkin pancakes covered in whipped cream or her 3d bowl of ice cream of the day. and it must be even less easy when that 2d person is the 1st person's sister, and between every bite the 2d person makes a throw-up face :O~ at the 1st person's lunch. yet, karrie does this and manages to look reasonably convinced that she doesn't even want any ice cream. and even though she is backing off the raw food diet and riding the ice cream bandwagon again, the point is that when karrie convinces herself of something, no amount of heckling (even from my dad) can change her mind.

#5. karrie uses the nose bulb !! and helps babies and old people and trauma victims. and me when a bout of hypochondria strikes. she's going to be a great nurse that i can and will brag to all of my friends about.

... karrie can drive a stick shift. she understands football. she can burp louder than any boy i've ever met. she gets mad when i call her during jeopardy. and yet she still understands and upholds the #1 tenet of kelley: it's important to be cute at all times.

so, happy birthday karrot !! keep kicking ass in your 21st year :D