Served

one more big moment in life to check off the list, just as 2008 comes to a close: i had my first restraining order filed against me. it's actually an injunction against harassment, but close enough. aaron's ex-girlfriend alleges that i come into the store where she works for the sole purpose of staring her down. all precipitated by the fact that someone allegedly slashed her tire last week. i find this slightly amusing because staring does sound like something i would do. when i was in high school. or first grade. side note: does anyone remember saying, "you got a eye problem!?" ?

unfortunately, it's unfounded -- i'm all grown up now with at least SOME maturity and perspective and healthy fear of losing my law license and YEAH RIGHT i would leave my apartment in the middle of the -4 degree night to commit crimes when even cheap beer and wing night couldn't lure me from under the covers -- so really it's kind of annoying. because wandering aimlessly around in the quiet, temperature-controlled womb of the mall in search of great bargains is probably my #1 extra-curricular activity while the weather stinks and my husband is occupied. and because the comfiest bench in the mall is outside that place. and because it is the only place in flagstaff that sells flannel-lined jeans and i'm not sure i'll be able to survive much more of winter without stocking up and i was really hoping that they would eventually go on enough sale that i could afford a pair for every day of the week. *sigh*

most interesting was being approached by a police officer. as a public defender, i constantly gave my clients the do-not-talk-to-the-police spiel and was constantly disappointed by the fruitlessness of the spiel. now i understand because i failed the test myself! i tried to answer the questions politely like i was taught as a little girl, but finally remembered my own advice and told her (yes, her, ugh) that although she was entitled to my name and address, i had nothing else to say to her. she continued to ask me questions. the same questions over and over again, i guess to see if i would give different answers. she accused me of lying after every answer and hinted at dire consequences for doing so. she accused me (incorrectly) of evading service and informed me (incorrectly) that i would be in big trouble if i did not let the constable serve me. as aaron pointed out, why is it that it's a crime to lie to a police officer when he can lie to you all he wants? she finally gave up when it was clear that these techniques were not working on me and i know more about the law and her rights than she did. most people (especially those out allegedly committing crimes and ESPECIALLY kids) are not in that position, however. my disgust with custodial interrogations and statements to the police has increased ten-fold in a mere 7 minutes.

and the officer's excuse for treating an ordinary and innocent citizen like a criminal: based completely on unsubstantiated hearsay from a biased, paranoid and elitist little girl with her own history of vandalizing my marital property. this is such a ridiculous and insignificant event in my life, but the big picture just blows me away. maybe the maricopa PD has it right with their overwhelming hatred and distrust of law enforcement ... in which case, maybe i will more seriously consider defecting to a deserted tropical island. tom hanks survived it AND he had a good tan.

Sunny Sunday

first, a christmas update. please make that SIX happy-first-christmas-together ornaments. there was one more hiding under the tree. also hiding under the tree HALLELUJAH were two more boxes of chocolate-covered marshmallow santas that were not affected by the abysmal weather (and the original box has now recovered).

i made gingerbread cookies (the word "made" being used very loosely to mean that i took the dough out of the gigantic rod and rolled it into fun shapes to bake) and fell asleep on the couch. when i awoke, aaron had decorated them with white frosting and red hots -- into mormon missionaries, creations reminiscent of pablo picasso, beatnik hippies, 666 calls to satan, etc. hee hee. this one's my favorite, with it's red toenails, lop-sided stare, and bloody fangs.

my in-laws ate bagels with smoked fish and raw onions for breakfast on xmas. weird. although i did spend the entire rest of the day devouring warm jalapeno-artichoke-cream cheese dip so i should keep my mouth shut. and really, does breakfast matter when you get to wear the diamond and tahitian pearl earrings your husband gave you!?! they are simple and classy and gorgeous and perfect. *dreamy* they do not, however, photograph very nicely, but since i'm bragging i had to try. if you look closely, you can also see the sun setting behind the jail and the HUMONGOUS mounds of snow outside. christmas day was nice and relaxing until we had to drive back up the mountain in the "wintry mix." i guess the wintry mix is a novelty here, because the residents feel they are entitled to nice clean powdery white snow, albeit gigantic mounds of it. our apartment could easily double as the snack bar at a skating rink with all the xmas goodies we have stashed inside and four solid inches of ice covering the lot.

anyway, aaron was feeling claustrophobic under that sheet of ice so we escaped to sedona for the day yesterday, where sunny and 50 degrees feels like heaven. and what better way to start the day than trying out your new coffee-flavored beer -- lagunita's cappuccino stout. kelley says: chewy. followed by an actual cup of coffee, the slow winding decent down to oak creek, and a looooong, leisurely stroll down the bell rock pathway in the crisp sunshine.

walking around this for a few hours helps clear your head and put things in perspective ...

First Christmas

i have come to the conclusion that christmas = insanity.

this is mostly because i got a part-time job in retail for the holiday season to keep me out of trouble and put some extra $$$ in my piggy bank. the joy of this was fully realized when i jumped out of bed at 4 AM to get ready for black friday ... called black friday not because it's an abysmal day to be outside (although it WAS an abysmal cold, rainy day to be outside in flag) but because it's the first time all year that retailers make a profit. that's 11+ months of red fridays and basically 4 weeks of holiday shopping. 4 weeks of insanity, culminating in today -- the LAST day of christmas shopping. i expect i will run into more men today that have no idea what to get their wife/mom/sister so what is my favorite? and can i just please throw one of those into a bag for each woman in their life? NO, they don't need to sample it first and NO, it doesn't matter that my wife and my mother are getting the same gift (trust me dude, it matters to your wife) but YES, since i suggested it they will take a couple of those also. silly fools.

it is a job that i find ironic -- because let's be honest, "customer service" does not come before or after "kelley" in any word association games -- yet strangely enjoy. it's as close to being a personal shopper as i will ever get and it's comforting to be surrounded by bright, shiny things all lined up neatly in rows with labels facing outward, even though i must suffer through a hillary duff song in the christmas mix we've been playing over and over since november 2. plus, neither time nor weather exists inside the fortress of the mall. i get to spend a few hours a day back in the womb.

speaking of weather, there is about 2 feet of snow on the ground right now. more accurately, there's a foot of snow, then a nice thick layer of ice, topped off by another foot of snow. with an additional foot of snow expected in the next 48 hours. the first white christmas i can remember! OK, i'm over it. snow was pretty for the first 4 hours. then it becomes 8-foot high brown mounds lining the road and dotting parking lots. plus, it's so cold that my chocolate-covered marshmallow santas are hard and unappetizing. i am significantly less miserable since i got a pair of hideous cranberry-colored fur-lined boots, no doubt the best $25 i've spent in 2008. still, in the tally of ass-busting, i'm up 2-1 to aaron. boo.

my family did make sure that aaron and i were outfitted with a christmas tree + decorations for our first christmas, including, count them, FIVE happy-first-christmas-together ornaments. our little tree is fairly non-traditional with its cupcake, snowflakes, six-pack of beer and pickle on top... all of which i will re-box after the holidays and treasure for eternity. i am obviously destined to have a tree covered in wedding cakes.

this is not however a first christmas for the jancaitis girls taking family photos with santa & mrs. clause. although we celebrated early in december, it is comforting to know that there is some peace in the world. even if only in the form of comfortable insanity -- the kind i grew up with and have become strangely fond of...

Here Comes The Hotstepper

so while i was home last week, i was lured into an afternoon at bring-your-sister-to-work-day by the promise of homemade ice cream. and let's be honest, eighth grade science class is an adventure not to be missed. next time, i am definitely bringing aaron to show him that kim's job is worse than his.

first, the security in at the middle school is INSANE. i had to hand over my license, which was scanned into some machine that somehow retrieved my driver's license photo and printed it out onto a name tag that allowed me to go to the principal's office. and nowhere else. when i let the harried secretary know that "miss j" was expecting me, she had me wait until she could find someone to escort me down there. eventually i was allowed to travel the M.S. hallway, flanked by a security officer of some sort and two 6th graders who had just gotten into a scuffle in the boys locker room at gym class. i can't legitimately use the word "fight" for these two scrawny punks who probably exchanged girl slaps before mr. security butted in.

i helped answer questions out of the pH workbook (most of which i still knew the answers to, go me!) and then kim paired me up with some pipsqueak in the back row who thinks he's too good to have a partner. i knocked him down a peg by pointing out that he was doing everything wrong and did he really want to mess up our ice cream? i also learned that salt (the solute) decreases the freezing point of ice (the solvent), melting the ice into water that is colder than 0 degrees C. this is why people salt roads and sidewalks in bad weather. side note: i have even USED this info recently!

an afternoon of science experimenting later, i came to two realizations:

1. all middle schoolers are ugly. yes, all of them. sure there are some that could be labeled more attractive than others, but this is mostly a result of superior personal hygiene and a modicum of fashion sense, and so it would be more correct to say that some M.S.ers are cleaner than others. they are all awkward, lacking in self-esteem and have some display of disproportionate features.

2. all M.S. boys are of questionable sexual orientation. they have at least one of the following attributes which calls their masculinity into question: a high, squeaky voice. a super-preppy outfit bought off the mannequin at american eagle. long, shaggy pete wentz hair. a lot of cologne. a distinctive giggle. an opinion on who is the cutest boy in the twilight movie.

although they are oblivious to pretty much everything not within a 2 foot radius of their wandering minds, the kids are fairly entertaining. some boy asked miss j: can ben help pass that out? i asked him if he had just referred to himself in the third person. and even though he was super-dorky, he still knew what third person was! (and correctly answered yes.) mostly i tried to picture these kids hanging out in a dark cafeteria at a M.S. dance gyrating awkwardly to ini kamoze, whose only #1 song hit the charts in 1995 and was a favorite during my own awkward (and apparently ugly) M.S. days.

act like you know, rico
i know what bo don’t know
touch them up and go, uh-oh!
ch-ch-chang-chang

{lyrics immortalized by ini kamoze}

it wasn't a total loss though -- the ice cream was good! kim also dumped a huge bag of ice water on some girl's leg which was funny. and at the end of the day, they all went home!

kim and i did go see the twilight movie together the previous night, so we were prepared for the discussion on who was the cutest boy. (edward, overwhelmingly, despite his awful lisp.) i thought they were all weird looking. and on a side note, it was a GREAT movie. i love low-budget films with bad acting, poor continuity, weird music and awkward, teenage dialogue. no seriously, i do. i definitely recommend it for mindless, teenage-vampire-romance entertainment and don't worry boys -- rosalie is a big-booty-judy and will keep you entertained too.