yet, i feel like i had a better sense of self when we were 17, lifeguarding at the local water park for our summer job, collecting waterlogged quarters from the slides to fund our midnight snacks, and getting stood up by drug dealers before we both shipped off to college. because back then, my life was mine. now i am a slave to bills, laundry (oh so much laundry), work, the diamonds on my finger and tiny tugging toddler hands.
in an attempt to define myself, i turned to the online meyers-brigg personality test, where i am a fairly emphatic ESTJ. according to the internet, this means i would be a good librarian, and i am least likely to develop a DSM-IV personality disorder -- lending further support to the omniscience of the internet, as i feel like those two statements are mutually exclusive.
E is for extroverted. since the test i took is visual, i am estimating that i am about 8 times more extroverted than introverted. as far as i can tell, this means that i am greatly effected by inertia -- things in motion tend to stay in motion or they lose interest and motivation. things at rest tend to fall asleep in 30 seconds or less and wake up disheveled and disoriented hours later, ravenous and having forgotten their life goals and purpose. i don't mind being alone, but the bills, laundry, work, diamonds and toddlers will be tossed aside for a closet alphabetized by color, a perfectly glittered pedicure, and some sort of marshmallow masterpiece with no measurable nutritional value.
S stands for sensing. importantly, i have zero-point-zero (0.0) iNtuition. if it's not right in front of my face, it's not actually happening.
i tend to generally agree with this assessment, but (1) it does little to explain my fascination with UFOs and crop circles. (as an aside, i have a pretty sweet husband. whenever i see a suspicious object in the sky and ask whether he thinks it might be a UFO, he spends an appropriate amount of time looking, examining, asking follow-up questions, and considering the question before saying "no, that's an airplane." thanks, honey.)
and (2) it does not address my horrible superstitions and fanatical belief in karma. yes jackie, i still pick up my feet, say "peanut butter," and kiss the ceiling when i go through a yellow light or over railroad tracks. i make a wish at 11:11. i knock on tons and tons of wood, every day. i believe the rhythm is gonna get ya, and act accordingly.
apparently my intuition is limited to coincidences and fictional worlds that exist only in romantic comedies and sci-fi novels.
T stands for thinking. i did have an acceptable level of "feeling." while i consider myself to be extremely rational (like the good little economist i am), i understand that the concept relates directly to subjective internal factors. what makes perfect sense to me -- based on my status, education and experience -- goes over another person's head who is weighing different factors in their own cost-benefit analysis. so, this level of "feeling" is really just an extension of how completely rational i am thankyouverymuch.
J is for judging, rather than perceiving. i am about twice as judgmental as i am perceptive, and i can't say it better than heidi did: so know this, friends and acquaintances, i don't just see you, i judge you. even if you put a stupid meme on your facebook page that says "do not judge me." in an attempt to protect yourself. i cannot be stopped.... according to the meyers-briggs asshole index, you do not have a relationship with an ESTJ, you have a deal. my family would concur that i'm a bossy, inflexible, insufferable know-it-all.
i am in an impressive company of women (if by impressive i mean bossy, inflexible and insufferable ... and wildly successful and productive) -- famous ESTJs include judge judy (reminding me that i was voted the coveted "most likely to become a TV judge" award my final year of law school), sandra day o'connor, nancy grace, hillary clinton, condoleezza rice, michelle obama, bette davis, joan rivers ... and princess leia. good to know someone has the time to analyze the personality types of fictional characters, and may i please have that job?
i am also in the company of saddam hussein (to whom the title credits go) and a man i actually truly admire: fidel castro. now there is a tough, idealistic, unyielding, ballsy SOB. i get the theoretical appeal of communism, and have to hand it to fidel for giving it a hell of a shot over the course of fifty years. to the detriment of the cuban economy and impoverishment and starvation of the cuban people, but no matter. a revolution is not a bed of roses.
and drum roll please ... my same-birthday-meyers-brigg-twin: marion hugh "sugar bear / suge" knight -- founder and CEO of death row records and real life west coast gangsta, who was once arrested for domestic violence for cutting off his girlfriend's ponytail in the street. first, who remembers to bring their shears into the street during a domestic dispute? and second, oh no you didn't! *insert sassy finger wave* i respect your dedication and take-no-prisoners attitude, sir. you are neither a hypocrite, nor a weakling. i propose that "money over bitches" will be the theme of our joint 32nd/49th birthday party which will take place on or around april 19. here's a throwback to our last gettogether, ca. 2005.
the diamond-ring shot glasses will surely get a second life after caitlin's bachelorette party.
with all of this thought and analysis, i got a quick history lesson, but am right back to my original concern ... there is no time for reflection when i can never... stop... moving...
arbeit macht frei, friends.
arbeit macht frei, friends.
heaven is not a place of idleness
{ESTJ evangelical phenomenon, billy graham}
