Out Of The Bat Cave

who is the REAL batman?!? it's hard to tell which of us is more ferocious since andrew and i are both eating strawberries & whipped cream out of plastic teletubby bowls on a bright red table that comes about halfway up my shins. you can't even see the chair i'm sitting in ... either because it's so tiny or because of my hulking muscles -- your guess.

unfortunately, this batman (the one on the right) is flying the coop and heading back to arizona the middle of this month. i've procured a car, an awesome roommate, and an apartment in tempe, and have big ambitions to join the grocery workers' union. who knew there was such a thing? look out food dog. i'm confident andrew will keep up the cave while i'm gone though, as he is in a perpetual state of muscle-flexing.

in preparation for my departure, i've spent the better part of my free time sorting through things, trying to downsize my life into a single carload. it's a good exercise for me since i have a lot of unnecessary things (a result of the therapeutic value of the retail environment). but really, how many shades of hot pink nail polish does one girl need? FYI -- i made a lot of tough decisions, but managed to decimate my collection to about 10 pinks and 3 reds.

also amazing is the number of articles of clothing i have held onto in case i need them for a halloween costume. like a yellow tutu. says a little bit about my fashion sense. although my sister will attest to my improvement since high school, when a typical outfit was head-to-toe thrift store polyester plaid. every day could have been halloween back then :) equally amusing are the things i refuse to part with -- my skull barrettes, homestar runner action figures, fake eyelashes & eyelash glue, and spongebobopoly. you never know when these things will come in handy as a young professional in a new city.

and in the event of cold feet (yeah right), i am reminded of a song i often listen to in the bubble bath:

my brain's repeating

if you've got an impulse let it out

but they never make it past my mouth

... this is the sound of settling

{death cab for cutie}

KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII -- YA !!

that is the sound of ten+ 4-year-olds at karate class -- the highlight of my week. i have never seen so many high-fives in my life, and i've been trying to revive the high-five (along with the word SIKE) for years.

i love this kid -- he has the best imagination. after dinner, andrew told me to get on the horse because i was a cowboy, and being the rational adult that i am, i had to ask where exactly was this horse he spoke of. then all of the sudden, there i was on a horse! AKA: sitting on the floor, handcuffed to andrew under a sleeping bag and waving a tennis racket above my head like a lasso. side note: all fun until someone gets hit in the face (me). alas, a small price to pay for the joy of being aunt kelley.

AND he knows all of the teenage mutant ninja turtles by name -- and raphael, the angry badass with the big attitude problem is his favorite, just like me. andrew probably likes him because he wears red, but this is irrelevant. AND he humors me by making great hand-noise metal signs, complete with tongue-sticking-out goodness. ... then he goes back to being spiderman and shoots webs at me -- i guess i got the apartment! so its still a good day.

i am fascinated by children. they are so SMALL, but have such a good grasp on life -- easily amused, cry when they're hungry, tired, or hurt, and get over the rest. and every movement is an accomplishment. just tickle a baby and see if you don't have a really great day afterward. although i could probably change a diaper (heidi's never made me try :), i don't know what i would do if a kid sneezed on me. or i had to use one of those giant nose bulb things -- a "nasal aspirator." it's like sucking boogers up a straw. gross gross gross. aunt kelley does not do snot. this is a huge barrier to having kids of my own -- my baby would get a cold, i'd be too grossed out to clear his nose, and he'd talk like pee-wee herman for the rest of his life. no thanks.

p.s. if it's been more than 5 years since you last read dr. suess' fox in sox, i strongly encourage you to pick up a copy and read it outloud. prior to andrew's bedtime story, i felt i had a good grasp on speaking english and enunciating properly. i am no longer so sure .... especially once i got through the tweetle beetle bottle puddle paddle battle muddle.

Rev Your Engines

when i was in college, i loved to do nothing. doing nothing is not as empty and pointless as it seems, and encompasses activities like watching law & order reruns or the princess bride for the 427th time on TNT, going to a baseball game only as an excuse to get outside and enjoy the weather, organizing your underwear drawer, painting your toenails, and reading the latest news on fark. activities that allow your brain to function at just a step above idle. when i was in law school, the moments of nothing-doing were few and far between. like watching some incredible knockout in mixed martial arts fighting on youtube with rob in the law review office following our resolution of some crisis. or playing pirates' dice with mandy and christopher after mucking our way through 3d and 4th grade social studies homework.


in contrast, every single person i met in arizona was running at a low RPM. other travelers, retirees, and vacationers, of course. but also intelligent, educated people who passed up or postponed lucrative careers to do something they enjoy or to maximize their nothing-doing time. people with real jobs who constantly and casually remarked "i can't believe i'm paid to do this." even the people i met at breakfast before taking the bar, although alert and prepared, were not stressed or frantic or even anxious. this is what i expected, and actually, what i was hoping for, when i chose to head out west.


but for weeks i have wondered -- do i have it in me to relax? while other people take time off after undergrad to figure out what they want to do with their life by backpacking through europe or working a pointless job to finance their experimental drug use, i went to law school. actually, i didn't know what to do with my life so i kicked ass in law school, worked 3 jobs, managed the law review, and ran competitively, all without missing a clemson football game. i know i can go go go at 100 mph (at least until futurama comes on), but could i sustain life as a sunday driver? it was perfect while i was on vacation to do exactly what i wanted at all times, but the day i returned, i went right back to waking up at 6AM for a morning run. the question lingers now that i truly have time to do a lot of nothing. my mom asks what i did today. well mom, today i drove to petsmart to exchange the 19 unfortunate goldfish that died mysteriously in the fountain out back (but were artfully preserved in the freezer) and attempted to nurse the 5 feeble survivors back to health.


....can i be content with this answer?

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig

well, an uneventful plane-ride-across-the-country later, i am home again. i love arizona and am racking my brain for a way to get back there as soon as possible. no flashes of inspiration yet. in the meantime, i am partaking in 2 of my least favorite activities of all time -- unpacking and writing cover letters. my mom asked me why the pile of stuff i dropped in the living room had gotten bigger instead of smaller while i was unpacking. i told her it was like a blackhole -- it has to expand before it implodes on itself. i'm not sure if that's true, but i think i saw it in star wars once.

BUT it's not all bad being home -- mom even made sure the house was stocked with our 4 basic food groups: milk, cheese, ice cream & pizza. you can compare this with my dad's 4 food groups: meat, salt, grease & beer. he recently reminded me that neither of us look like we eat the way we do, which is a blessing for everyone involved. (but see karrie's 4 food groups: yogurt, kashi, flax butter & carrots. we don't look like we eat like her either...) im back on a running schedule. (thank you prof. abate for your unrelenting expectations.) i only ran once the entire time i was gone -- and that was to walgreen's because i needed some eyeliner. and i've decided to publish my article on legal responses to sea level rise in the environs environmental law & policy journal at UC-davis -- a 1st tier law school!

i had also forgotten how nice it is to wear a miniskirt and smell like flowers, so i'm making up for lost time while i contemplate another least favorite task -- figuring out what to do next. although, post-vacation, i am less convinced of the prudence of doing so.

Spiritual Healing

my last couple days in arizona were pretty low-key, mostly because i no longer had full function of my legs. i attempted a hike in sedona, but it started sprinkling and i was having no more wet underwear adventures. i took a jeep tour instead, and the sun came out. the area has an amazing backdrop of giant red rock formations. it almost looks like a painted set. i can't imagine living in sedona with that in my backyard.

i took the mystical vortex tour and learned all about how the electromagnetic field created by the spinning of the earth's core emanates from the surface more strongly at fault lines. when these fault lines cross, a vortex, or energy center, is created. apparently these exist all over the world -- machu picchu is one and so is new york city -- people just don't notice because they are generally disconnected from the earth these days because they don't go outside, and when they do, there is a layer of concrete separating them from the ground. however, the local indians thought the vortexes in sedona were sacred (without detailing it in terms of electromagnetism) and traveled days just to sit "in" it & pray. this is cathedral rock, the second-most photographed rock formation in arizona (after the grand canyon). the creek is a fault line, and therefore a vortex.

the guide also taught us how to transfer our negative energy to a tree by placing our right hand on it and concentrating on expelling negative thoughts. don't worry, he said it didn't hurt the tree. you can also suck good energy from the tree by placing your left hand on it and concentrating. i think i will try this at home on my own trees to see what happens -- it can't hurt.

the tour itself was very interesting and informative. there were two other people besides the guide and me. the guy was a high school biology teacher who asked a lot of questions about the science behind the vortex, which i found disappointing because i understood it, and i am not teaching science for a living. the girl on the other hand, announced as soon as we reached the vortex that it was "really heavy on the solar plexus." what does that mean??!?!?!?!?

what exactly (allegedly) happens at the vortex is hard to say and i tried to be open, but it was difficult to evaluate the situation objectively for several reasons. 1. the area is SO beautiful and peaceful that it's hard not to feel better when you're out there in the middle of it than you did 15 minutes ago being bounced all to hell in a 4WD vehicle. 2. a watched pot never boils. i was watching myself, other people were watching me, and the whole time i was thinking "do i feel different? how about now? how about now?" here is a picture of me sitting on the vortex trying to soak up the magic through my butt.

i was rewarded for my tolerance of this hippie nonsense with a beautiful, sunny, blue sky the next day, so i went to the sunset crater, which was a lot like being on the big island of hawaii, except in the middle of arizona. i also visited some indian ruins at wupatki national park. they were pretty red against the blue sky and well-made, often built into the side of a hill or using gigantic rocks for foundations. i discovered that they were made of limestone when i climbed into a secret room to pee and the floor started fizzing. whoops.

i stopped by montezuma's castle national monument (although this is a misnomer because montezuma never made it this far north) on my way to phoenix for my flight home. it is really amazing how high up the structure is -- the indians got in and out using wooden ladders -- and how enduring. this photo has some people in it that can be used for scale. the "castle" has 20 rooms and was built over a thousand years ago.

mark, one of my saviors from humphrey's peak, graciously offered to show me around while i passed the time until my 11PM flight. i didn't see much of phoenix -- only a lot of blue moon and the three killer whales inhabiting his pool out back, which was perfectly fine with me. and i was lucky to hang out with some really smart, really funny, really interesting people before i returned to my normal life in cuckoo, VA. NOTE: please let the official record show that i kicked everyone's ass at balderdash -- though the competition was steep. seven years of higher education occasionally has practical application. but has not improved my handwriting.